Hi, it’s been too long.

How are you old friend?

I need to catch up with you, let you know how I am, where my life’s at.

Most importantly though I need to tell you that I’m still in full remission. More on that soon.

I’ve neglected this blog for over eighteen months. Which is way too long. Life keeps moving along changing and staying the same all at once.

I’m still here and I’m back in front of this screen writing to you. Not that I’ve been away from the screen, only this blog.

Now I’ve come full circle though, and it feels like a return to home. It’s like I’m coming back to me, slowly. Through the roller coaster ride that was cancer that kept going into full remission. I thought it would stop and I’d get off once I got into full remission. I didn’t realise back then that the ride kept going, it just changed how it operated.

On the 25th October 2024 I had a PET scan at the end of my chemo affair. An affair I very much do not want to go back to. That scan would show if I was in full remission or not.

On October 30th 2024 I was told I was in full remission. Which you can read about in earlier posts.

I’m still in full remission, six days away from the two year anniversary. For which I am grateful everyday.

I wake up, I’m alive. That’s a pretty good start to the day.

Who knows what the day will bring. They can vary a lot, from the most amazing brilliant ones to, let’s be honest, the ones that are a bit shit. Either which way though I’m alive to live the experiences. Something three years ago I wasn’t sure if I would be.

That doesn’t mean it’s not tough at times. My lymphocytes are not at the levels they should be. That means I’m still immune compromised. It’s a long term side effect of the chemotherapy.

Lymphocytes are infection fighting white blood cells. You can easily research them if you want to know the intricate details. Normal levels, for adults, are between 1& 4.8 mcl. Mine are 0.6. Too low. When I was first diagnosed with cancer, 10th October 2022, they were 0.9. By the time I finished chemo they were 0.29. In two years they have gone up by just over 0.3, and have stagnated. There was no increase at my last blood test three months ago.

After those results I up’d my regime to try and improve them. All natural solutions that have solid medical research behind them. Something I’m intending to write about, but I want to see what my next blood test results bring first. They will be in a months time roughly and I’m planning on an improvement.

Taking a slight detour the image at the top of the page is very relevant to me going full circle. It was created by a friend, thanks Claire, who’s a top notch graphic designer.

It’s a labyrinth and it helps you to find the centre of yourself, to come back home to who you are. It’s also used in other areas of energy work and spirituality for different reasons. It can also be just a bit of fun.

You follow the path and walk to the centre, through all aspects of the labyrinth. Use your finger to trace through the one above. It works the same way.

In the centre just breath deep four times and relax. Use your own intuition as to how long you stay there and what comes to you. It can be as simple as a few moments of time out from the world outside. For others it can have a deep spiritual connection. It all comes down to the individual. You can’t get it wrong, it just comes from whatever you take in with you.

Then you walk out tracing back over where you walked before, until you reach the outside. Say thank you to whatever it is you believe in, or don’t believe in, that’s up to you. But gratitude is important in life. I should know.

Then go on your merry way and live life. Maybe something will change, maybe it won’t. We’re not always meant to know the bigger picture.

When life is good grab it with both hands and live it. You don’t know what’s around the corner or how long you’ve got. That’s not meant to be morbid, that’s just the reality.

When life is bad you have to try and ride out the storm however long it takes. I understand that sometimes that feels impossible. There are some storms that if they hit me now I don’t know if I’d cope. Cancer brings it’s own lurking fears, even when it’s gone.

Still, whatever happens right now, good or bad, I know I’m grateful for life and I want to live life. Even when it’s been at its worst there has always been a tiny spark inside me that says you’ve got this. So far I have and I hope to keep it that way.

That spark has been held by others though, especially when I was at my weakest. I have some incredible, wonderful people around me who literally helped save my life. Danielle, Kael, family, friends and others along the way. I am, and will be, forever grateful for what people have done for me. Bless everyone of you. If you know, then you know.

I though am the only one who can live my life, cancer reinforced that for me. Then I lost the concept a little along the way through full remission. Now though it is back again and it should be for you too. Only you can live your life.

I don’t know how long my life will be. I’m planning on a long one, but the reality maybe different. I am responsible for the direction of my own life, no one else.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this but then that’s the joy of life. The joy of creativity and spontinaity.

Let’s go in this direction. I don’t want to have regrets at the end of my life for the wrong reasons.

What do I mean by that?

At the end of my life I don’t want ‘what if’s’. What if I’d done this that or the other. Never trying and never knowing is something I think a lot about now. I’d rather have the regret of something not working out. You know, you give something a go and it doesn’t really work out how you thought it would. But at least you found out, at least you tried. You gave it a go. If you give enough things a go eventually you’ll find the joys in life that work for you.

When I shuffle off this mortal coil I want to be able to say ‘I tried’. Somethings worked, some didn’t but at least I know. I had the experiences of living a life.

Rather than ‘what if I tried to do that’, but now I’ll never know. Maybe I could have had more joy in my life. Who knows?

Having said that I have no desire to bungee jump off a ridiculously high bridge or platform. That’s a ‘what if’ I can live with. I’ll leave that to the ones who need to know.

Mantle Cell Lymphoma, often shortened to MCL, is my cancer. It’s a rare non-Hodgkin lymphoma, but you know all this.

What you might not know is that it has also been a teacher. It goes beyond being a deadly disease. That’s not to dismiss its seriousness but cancer is more than just the physical. It effects the emotional, mental and spiritual just as hard. For me it did anyway. It encompasses so many aspects of life. I am different because of it.

It’s hard to put into words. Those out there who have or had cancer will probably understand where I’m coming from, even if they may have a different view point.

When people say cancer is life changing they are one hundred percent right. And not just for the person diagnosed but also for their carers and loved ones.

I have discovered so much about myself during this crazy voyage. I recommend going on journeys of self discovery but please try and learn your lessons without getting cancer. I wish I had.

I’m here, I’m writing a blog post again. I’d like to think it won’t be eighteen months to the next one. I did mention that I hadn’t been away from the screen, only the blog.

I’m writing a novel. I have been for about three years. In the last eighteen months I’ve gone hard on it to get it finished. It’s very nearly there. I want the first draft completed and finished before Christmas. Then I can edit and give it to a couple of trusted people to proof read it. I already have the people in mind. I’ll keep you in the loop. Oh, it’s a dark fantasy novel. The start of an ongoing series.

Do the things you love. Free your creativity.

Till next time, stay funky.

Every Second Counts. Love Jon